Poisonous Voice
by Meralie
Summary: *Set in Season Four - but there are flashforwards for people on the island too* Quote from Story: "No I don't, Mr Clean, so if you'd be so kind to enlighten me -" "Do you want her to die?"
1. Apparitions

Apparitions:

**Okay umm the part in italics are lyrics to the song "Apparitions" by the Matthew Good Band. Enjoy!" **

**XFlash Forward/X** _Say hello, Remain, Close to me, A no good-bye, suicide mystery_

"You can't do that."

The blonde man sighed in deep. "An' why in the hell can't I?" he asked, turning to scowl at the bald man behind him.

"You know very well _why_ James," John Locke replied.

_The rat, In your brain, Turns a wheel, Connected to your guts and, All your faults are in me, And all your faults in me_

"No I don't, Mr Clean, so if you'd be so kind to enlighten me -"

"Do you want her to die?"

The question cut through the sentence of the other man, stopping him in his tracks. He looked as though he'd been punched in the stomach. Of course he had known why he couldn't make contact with her. And it killed him. Every question he asked himself led to another; would it kill her?

_What would you say, If we lived on TV, Besides all the things they told you to, And all the things they told you to, And all the things they told you to  
And all the things they told you to_

"I didn't think so," the bald man said, noting his expression. In a fight, he knew he could be overtaken, but the authority and leverage he held was unbeatable.

"Screw you, baldie," the blonde man said, his southern drawl filled with anger and sadness. He turned away, walking towards the ocean, refusing to acknowledge his blurred vision... **XEnd of Flash ForwardX**

_We're stuck, Inside our own machine, Apparitions, Apparitions, Apparitions_

"Mmm...James," Kate moaned as he presented her with salad and his gourmet-styled meal...or as gourmet as she'd had in a long time. "How'd you make this?" she asked, surprised. She widened her eyes as a thought occurred to her. "Wait...how do you know that this isn't poisonous??" she asked through a mouthful of salad.

His eyes opened wide, mocking her. "Gee freckles! I never thought of that! Oh well...the rule _is_ 'leaves of three, good for me', right?"

"Yeah, good for you if you want to get rid of me," she replied quickly.

"Ouch freckles...that hurt! Think I'd do that?" he asked, pretending to be offended as he get his puppy-dog look on.

_Say hello, Well is it strange, Where you are, Where you used to be kind of free, Are they laughing at you, Laughing at you_

Kate just laughed, too grateful of the meal to complain. "What about you?" she asked, noticing he had nothing to eat.

"Worryin' 'bout me? Touching, Ma."

"Shut up Sawyer," she responded, sticking out her tongue at him.

"No really, I'm touched. Didn't know you cared so much for me. Must be my good looks finally getting to ya."

Kate rolled her eyes. "Must be," she agreed sarcastically.

"Finally. Was starting to think you needed to go to the Doc for a pair of glasses."

Kate laughed. "Sure Sawyer. Good to see at least your ego is well-fed."

"Now now freckles, I ate. Just didn't want to make you jealous an' all, with the caramel éclaires I had as dessert to go with my lobster and caviar," he flashed her his dimples to go along with his cocky smile. He didn't want to worry her.

Kate smiled, knowing very well that he had probably only had a bite for lunch, and had saved her the best .

"Thanks, James."

He raised an eyebrow. "For what?" he asked.

Kate just smiled and ate her dinner, knowing that if she expressed her suspicions, he'd think she was pitying him. "Well James, thank you for dinner. I better get to sleep, probably in for a wild, life-threatening adventure tomorrow," Kate said, rolling her eyes as she finished her last bite.

"Wait, Sassafras, you haven't had dessert..." Sawyer trailed off and wiggled his eyebrows suggestively.

"Uh huh..." Kate said tiredly, knowing that with Sawyer, 'dessert' couldn't just be ice cream. "And where's this dessert of yours?"

_The rat, In your brain, Rules the world  
From the comfort of your living room, Tell me are we leaving soon, The comfort of your living room  
Tell me are we leaving soon_

"Babe, the dessert is mouthwatering, sweet & sour, and very yummy. And it's right in front of you...wouldn' you just love a taste?"

"Sorry Sawyer..."

"C'mon, just a kiss, darlin'."

"Sawyer, knowing you, you'd take more than one serving."

"Freckles, really. Good night kiss?"

"Sawyer, since when has 'just a kiss' only been a kiss?"

"Sassafras, with you; always."

Pretending to be exasperated, her smirk giving her away, Kate went on her tip-toes, put her arms around his neck and kissed him, pulling back after a peck just to lean her forehead against his. She was surprised by his self-control. He just put his arms around her waist and held her close.

Eventually, not wanting to, Kate pulled away. "Good night James," she whispered.

"G'night freckles," he responded, his smile huge. "Ya know, you shouldn't be worried about me eating, that was the best dessert ever."

Kate, for what it seemed like the millionth time that night, rolled her eyes, but still couldn't wipe off her smile.

_We're stuck  
__Inside our own machine  
__Apparitions  
__Apparitions  
__Apparitions_

**A/N: Scary, isn't it, how the song fits into the island! :O. Anyways, first story, so please review. I'll try to update quickly and I'll try to include more Skate. Thanks!**


	2. I Get It

Chapter One:

**For those who were wondering, this takes place about at the 4th season, and this chapter is what would happen if Sawyer had gotten back before the 'rescuers' had come and before they all split up. By the way, the band is the awesome Chevelle and the song is "I get it" BTW you should watch the music video for this song – it's hilarious. Basically its about killing Mr. Perfect. Enjoy!**

_So you say you're ignored_

_As it is,_

_Well, give us your sad, sad trip_

Kate walked back to her tent, knowing Sawyer wouldn't come to the tents until the sun had set and he had finished thinking.

She wasn't really sure how things had ended up like this. She knew that she had found out that she had loved him; that watching him get hurt had ikilled/i her, but what was with her heart? First Jack, then Sawyer? And Jack...he had said he loved her...did she still love him?

It was way to complicated, and running into Jack a second later helped in no way at **all.**

"Hey Kate," he said, smiling at her, his brown chocolate eyes inviting and warm.

"Hey," she mumbled, looking down. How could two guys make her attracted in two completely different ways?

"How are you feeling?" he asked.

From anyone else it would've sounded casual, but she knew the way he said it was from the heart. He must have known. He _had_ to, he could probably read her thoughts or something.

The way Jack said 'how are you feeling' was; 'Is Sawyer still acting cold? Is your heart tearing in two? Are you jealous of Juliet? Do you love me? Do you believe _I_ love you?'

"Fine," she responded, her green eyes still refusing to meet the brown ones.

"Kate..."

"Jack, really. Please, I really just don't want to talk about..._that._"

He instantly got it. "It's all right, Kate. Everything will be fine," he soothed.

_You're right, I get it_

_It all makes sense, you're the perfect person_

_So right, so wrong_

_Let's all live in your imaginary life_

"So..." she said, desperate to change the subject. "What's on the agenda for tomorrow?"

"Don't know Kate. I suppose it depends on when they're going to get here. Frankly, I think there might be a fight tomorrow, Locke keeps insisting that these rescuers are bad," he frowned at the name. "But I suppose the usual, you know, eat, fight, eat, sleep."

"Wow, when you put it that way, who woulda thought being stranded on an island could be so boring?"

He grinned. "Well, I better be leaving you, it's getting dark and I think Juliet's waiting for me. I'll see you tomorrow!"

_Assumed it's whether_

_We're right, or wrong_

_We're doomed, and there's plenty for all_

Kate smiled back, but let it drop the moment he was out of sight. She didn't know how he made her feel. Right now it was brotherly love, and she hoped to god it wouldn't change. All these emotions were going to kill her. "Being a woman _sucks!_"

"Happy to trada ya, freckles. Man, if I was that hot I could spend days in front of the mirror! Don't see how you could be bored!"

Kate whipped her head around. "Sawyer?" Great. Another factor to add to emotional turmoil. Join the party!

"Hey babe, thought you were going to bed," he said, his ever-apparent grin shinning down on her.

"I am. Good night," she said, stalking away.

"Wait, wait, wait, freckles! You ain't gonna even _try_ to make small talk?" he gaped at her. "And here I was thinkin' I had bad manners!"

"Shut up, Sawyer!" she said, wanting to yell but too emotionally tired to do anything but whisper.

She ran into her tent and disappeared into her covers.

"Freckles, wait up! What's wrong?" he said, his eyes opened wide in sincerity and his grin vanishing. "I'm sorry," he said solemnly.

Kate sat up quickly, startled, tears still wet on her face but no more coming. "For what?" she asked, surprised.

"Well, I don't know. I just assumed I did something wrong." He shrugged. "C'mon, freckles. You know I don't like seeing ya sad."

_How dare you catch me counting_

_How dare you call at all_

_How dare you call this suffering_

_How dare you call at all_

"Sawyer...I just wish...why can't everything be right? Perfect?" she asked him, not knowing what to expect. She was asking him to answer an impossible question, staring at him with her green eyes sparkling with tears, all wide with innocence and questioning.

"Life ain't always perfect, sweet-cheeks," he responded sadly.

"Yeah? And why not? Why does everything have to be so bloody complicated? Why _can't_ it be perfect?!"

"'Cause, freckles...perfect ain't always life."

Kate didn't even have to question his statement. He had explained - in his own way - what was true. The perfect people she had read about, the girls who were perfectly dressed and looked extremely happy weren't real. They were fake. Life just couldn't be perfect, because perfect people weren't really alive.

"James," she said, pleading with him. She used his name when she was being completely honest, with all sarcasm and jokes aside. She needed him.

"Freckles," he replied, a true smile appearing on his face. "C'mere," he said, holding his arms yet.

She crawled over to him, letting him hold her, sobbing into him, letting it all out until she was spent.

_Press on these tannins_

_They double in time_

_The touch of life, once failed to mention so far_

_Of course the law is fountains_

_Of face to face remorse_

_Of fast and restless blackmail_

_Like pent up fetish force_

Sawyer continued to hold her, stroking her hair, murmuring words of comfort in her ear. He cared for this girl, he really did. She was strong, courageous, pretty, funny, not to mention she had saved his ass a number of time and kissed like a professional.

"J-james, it's all s-so, hard," she sobbed.

"Shh, freckles. It's okay. It'll all be alrigh'" he soothed.

Kate gave a sad smile, for the second time today, hearing the same lie.

"Thanks, James," she responded, clutching him harder.

_Do you want it enough?_

_Do you want it at all?_

_Should you need it at all?_

_Takes a man to see_

_Do you want it enough?_

_Do you want it at all?_

_Should you need it at all?_

_Do you want it or not?_

"Freckles, just know..." he started, gulping as he struggled to tell her what he needed to tell her. "...know that I'm always here for you. And when you need to talk, when you're ready to talk about it, I'm here. And I'll always be here. You got that freckles?"

She smiled genuinely up at him. "You mean that, James?"

"Of course," he said. His smile made a nice

change to his patented cocky grin.

"I just might hold you to that..." she whispered, locking down and settling into his cheast. "Will you stay with me?"

"'Course," he responded, kissing the top of her head. 'Night Freckles."

"Good night, James," she said.

He watched her as she slowly drifted off, watched the contented sighs she gave when he held her tighter or kissed her head. And when he was sure she was asleep, he lay her down on her bed and covered her with her blankets.

"G'night freckles..." he said, walking away from her tent. He couldn't resist turning back to look at her again. "I love you..." he said. "Everything's gonna be alright." He walked away to his own tent to think about his own problems; about this girl who he was falling for.

_You're right, I get it_

_It all makes sense, you're the perfect person_

_So right, so wrong_

_Let's all live in your imaginary life_

_Life, life, life._

**A/N: Can you guess who "Mr. Perfect" on the island is?? :P  
Anyways there it is. I had to cut out one of the choruses in the song since I had no room for it, just so you know. Sorry for all that Jate in there, but it needs to be there to a) fit in with the plot and b)to sort of fit in with the show. Anyways, I'll put more Skate in next chapter. Please review. Hope you like and I'll update soon! It gets better - promise.**


	3. Leave Out All The Rest

XX "James?" she whispered, horror meeting her sight as she entered his tent.

There was sign of a struggle, that much was obvious; everything thrown around the room, broken, and there was something that looked suspiciously like a blood stain on the wall.

He walked up right behind her. "Yes?"

"James...oh my god..." she said, oblivious to his presence, as she bent down to examine the room

"I'm right here, freckles, don't worry," he said, noticing her concern.

She started to cry. "Jack!" she screamed, running right towards him.

"Woah..easy babe, no need to get your boyfriend, I'm right here!" he joked, trying to get her to calm down.

But she didn't stop, she ran at him, and as he braced himself for the impact she ran right through.

"What the..." he said, staring at himself.

"Kate?" asked Jack, coming over to meet her.

"He's gone! Jack, he's..." she broke off, half screaming, half sobbing.

"Freckles! I'm right here! Can't you see me? Babe, I'm here!" he yelled hoarsely. XX

"Right here, freckles, I'm here," he mumbled, frowning in his sleep at the nightmare. His opened his eyes groggily, his mind trying to process what had just happened.

_I dreamed I was missing, you were so scared_

_But no one would listen 'cause no one else cared_

_After my dreaming, I woke with this fear_

_What am I leaving when I'm done here?_

"A dream. A fucking dream," he mumbled, rolling over on his side. _As if it would ever happen_ he thought, scowling. _Sassafras would probably run off with Jack-o and leave me to die._

"How do you know, John?" the shouting woke Sawyer up from his thoughts.

"Why do you always have to trust everyone?" the other man yelled, his tone matching the other man's, filled with the same anger and determination. Yet John Locke remained calm as Jack Shepeard couldn't hold back the rage he held at this man.

"Why do you always have to see the worst in everyone?" Jack replied, advancing on Locke.

"How can you trust them, Jack?"

"How can I trust _you_? How do I know you won't pull out a gun on one of us in the middle of the night and kill us like you killed Naomi? Killing our way out?"

"I don't know what they're here for, but it isn't us," Locke responded.

_So if you're asking me, I want you to know _

Groaning, Sawyer got to his feet, walking out to the battle scene with a sarcastic grin on his face. "Morning Pa, Ma," he acknowledged. Jack narrowed his eyes, noticing the "Ma" was directed at him.

"Not now, James," Locke replied.

"I know, I know. Momma and Daddy are having a grown-up talk."

"Shut up, Sawyer," Jack said annoyed. He turned back to Locke. Look, we can't go on like this. I'm not letting you screw up our last chance at getting off this island, and murdering anyone who comes to save us."

"Then let me stay."

"What?"

By this time everyone was awake, staring at the shouting match between the two.

"Let me stay on the island," Locke replied calmly. "You don't bother me, I won't bother you...but if you cross us, there will be punishment."

"Us? Who exactly are we talking about?"

"Come on Jack, do you really think everyone's as dumb as you? That they'll follow you like sheep regardless of the consequences? Charlie's death not a big enough sign for you? Want to send out another nameless soul to die and them to disregard it as an accident?"

"Shut up!" Jack shouted.

Locke smiled; he had hit a nerve.

"Alright, Locke. If you want to, you can leave," Jack said calmly, regaining his composure. "But who exactly do you think will come with you?

"I don't know. Let's see," he said, turning to address the whole group. "Who wants to come with me?"

And the group split up.

Sawyer stared at his options. What was there to go back to? He glanced at Kate, watched her stumble uncertainly to Jack's side. Of course she chose him. She always chose him. Tightening his jaw, he walked over to Locke.

_When my time comes, forget the wrong that I've done_

_Help me leave behind some reasons to be missed_

_And don't resent me, and when you're feeling empty_

_Keep me in your memory, leave out all the rest _

Kate watched Sawyer slowly walk away from her. Her heart wanted her to rush over to Sawyer's side, her brain told her to stay by Jack, to trust Jack. He's always right. She grabbed Sawyer's wrist. "What are you doing?"

He looked back at her. "Same thing I've always done, Kate. Surviving." he turned away, not wanting to look at her heartbroken eyes anymore, not wanting her to see the emotion in his. He felt her let go of his wrist, giving up on him. She chose Jack, she always did. Well, if she wanted to die, it was her decision.

_Leave out all the rest, don't be afraid_

_I've taken my beating, I've shared what I made_

_I'm strong on the surface, not all the way through_

_I've never been perfect, but neither have you_

But he knew, if she died, so would he.

And he vowed to himself that when he walked away, he wouldn't look back. He could feel her stare on him, and it took all his self-control to stop from looking back at her, from running over to her and telling her he wanted her, that he could take care of her so much better than Jack.

But he knew it wasn't true. Jack was a doctor, he reasoned. He wasn't selfish, he was reliable, well-grounded. The perfect person to keep her safe.

_So if you're asking me, I want you to know_

_When my time comes, forget the wrong that I've done_

_Help me leave behind some reasons to be missed_

_And don't resent me, and when you're feeling empty_

_Keep me in your memory, leave out all the rest_

_Leave out all the rest_

What was he? Lowlife. Scum. With him she'd always be on the run, living a life of crime. She didn't need more of that. If she got off the island, if she got off free, she could stay with Jack. She could live the wholesome life she always wanted. Maybe even have little Docs and little Freckles running around the house. He grimaced; the thought of a little freckles made him smile, but the thought of the Jackass mad him scowl.

He couldn't keep pretending he'd changed. He'd vowed, right after killing the wrong man in Australia, that he would change. And yet he had killed again.

He couldn't change. Not even for her, even though he loved her. It was better this way.

_Forgetting, all the hurt inside you've learned to hide so well_

_Pretending, someone else can come and save me from myself_

_I can't be who you are_

"Kate..." he whispered, closing his eyes as he pictured her face.

_When my time comes, forget the wrong that I've done_

_Help me leave behind some reasons to be missed_

_And don't resent me, and when you're feeling empty_

_Keep me in your memory, leave out all the rest_

_Leave out all the rest_

XX

Kate didn't know what had happened. But she wasn't going to run after him. With all of his moods, she was never sure who she was with; James or Sawyer. And after the whole 'pregnant' ordeal...

She didn't know what she was doing here. Going back surely meant life imprisonment. But if there was a way, an escape...she just didn't know if she could trust herself with Sawyer anymore. He was surely going to break her.

_Forgetting, all the hurt inside you've learned to hide so well_

_Pretending, someone else can come and save me from myself_

_I can't be who you are_

She allowed a tear to drop and let it trickle down before wiping it away. The last thing she needed was an overly-helpful Jack to make her completely break down.

Jack...why couldn't she be like him? She had slept with Sawyer and she was sure Jack loved her, but he hadn't broken down. He had been steady and reliable as ever.

No, she was more like Sawyer. A criminal.

But he wasn't all bad, was he? There were those times, those rare times, when he would give everything up for her. He had laid down his life for her so many times...

And even after that she had still used him out of jealousy. What was she? A killer. A heartless killer.

_Screw Jack_ she thought, sighing in exasperation, _I'll cry if I fucking want to._

_I can't be who you are_

**A/N: Hope you life! Sorry for the wait, but I think the chapter is longer than the others so hopefully it makes up for it. I keep getting amazed by how many songs can relate to this story, and to the whole show in general. Anyways, the song was "Leave out all the Rest" by Linkin Park, really good band and song, and I might use another LP song later. I'll try to update soon, next chapter will be Sawyer-centric :).**


	4. Believe

**A/N: Fourth chapter! Anyways the song is "Believe" by the awesomeful Bravery...check 'em out. (YAY seeing them the EDGEFEST this summah!) Sorry if there's bad spelling but I have no one to check it :( Anyways, this is my favorite chapter so far, and i think its better than the next one (which is kinda a filler, sorry. It has to explain how things come together. I'll post it tomorrow) because the song is so good and Sawyer's such a good charecter to screw aronud with (both meanings in there). Hopefully you're liking it so far. Enjoy...and please please please review!**

Dude?"

_Ugh. Of course it's too much to ask for to get some peace._ "What can I do you for, Hoss?"

Hurly tried to smile but it came out as a grimace. "Do you think they were actually there to rescue us?"

"Hmm, well, Einstein lets think about this, shall we? They lie to us about working for Scotty's girl, then they blow us up when we try to contact them. Of course they must have been here to rescue us! Why, they're just friendly munchkins telling us to follow their yellow brick road to escape the wicked island of the west! Face it, Lardo...they're not coming back for us."

_The faces all around me - they don't smile, they just crack._

_Waiting for our ship to come, but our ship's not coming back._

Hurley flinched. The sarcasm was a killer, the words so harsh. "Dude...sorry I said anything," he said, walking ahead to leave Sawyer at the end.

They'd picked up one of the freighter chicks along the way. She probably thought they were a bunch of Amazons or something. Well, Amazons with guns, considering they'd already shot her. Probably not the welcoming she'd been expecting. But hey, at least he'd almost killed the guy who'd done it (although not only for her purpose), how's that for hospitality?

"How courteous! Apology accepted!" he yelled after him, his anger getting the best of him. He set his sight on another target. "Hey, Johnny Boy! How long till we get to the merry ol' land o' Oz?"

Locke turned and smiled. "No longer, James. We're here."

The group began chatting excitedly; most of them were tired; they'd had no rest since the separation. The stress had reached a high, especially when Aaron had started crying half an hour ago, and hadn't stopped since.

"Great," said Sawyer, running down to the houses ahead of everyone else.

_We do our time like pennies in a jar, but what are we saving for?_

_What are we saving for?_

He threw down his bag on the ground, revelling at the peace the place now held.

"How 'bout a celebration drink?" Locke suggested as he caught up with Sawyer. It was obvious Locke was trying to keep the group happy with him, but, hey; if it included drinking until he couldn't remember his own name, he was fine with it.

"Aye, aye, Captain!"

They made a campfire, to go along with the 'celebration'. It made him feel like he was 19. Fire, alcohol...the feeling of self-loathing.

"Time for another drink," he said, getting over for some more of anything that was left.

"Don't you think you've had enough, James?" Locke observed.

Sawyer shook him off, annoyed. "Nah. Tell me, is it ever enough?" Satisfied at the man's silence, he grabbed himself more to drink and went over to his spot along the fire. It was desolate; from this angle he could watch everyone on the other side of the fire while sitting quite alone.

_You wouldn't be alone if Kate were here_ his inner voice said.

"Time to drown you out," he muttered, taking a huge mouthful. _Must be going crazy_

He watched the others, everyone with a friend, laughing. But it was only for a day; it was only because of the liquor. Tomorrow there'd be more screaming, more terror.

_More of what you've had to go through ever since -_

"Shut up!" He growled forcefully. He took another swig of his drink. Ahh..there. Drowned out. No soul, no conscience. He was utterly and supremely wasted. He smiled at the thought.

_There's a smell of stale fear, and it's reeking from our skins._

_The drinking never stops because the drinks absolve our sins_

_We sit and grow our roots into the floor, but what are we waiting for?_

_What are we waiting for?_

**XFlashForwardX**

Sawyer looked out to the sea. Why had she left? Why bother condemning yourself to a life in jail?

_You know why...to escape you._

He didn't even bother fighting off the thoughts anymore. He knew it was true, just as it was the reason Cassidy had him locked up in the jail. To keep the world safe. Kate had locked him out of the world, our of her life...

_Out of her heart._

At first he had been sure she'd come back. That she'd realise old' Romeo was with Juliet. Didn't she know he'd keep her safe?

Yeah, he was an asshole, but he had always been. And he was much better now...he tried for her. But, man, that woman...how could she be so freakin' emotional? Like...she was a woman! Wasn't she supposed to be able to read his emotions? Couldn't she see he loved her?

And now she was gone. Gone off on some goddamned state with her precious hero. How was she? Did she still know about him? He needed to know something.. He didn't even know if she was alive, in jail...

But he knew who did. And it was time to get some answers...

_So give me something to believe_

_'Cause I am living just to breathe._

_And I need something more_

_To keep on breathing for,_

_So give me something to believe._

**XEndOfFlashForwardX**

A sudden rustling woke him from his drunken semi-slumber. A flicker of worry passed through him; did the monster typically hang around here? Would they be in more danger here? Surely the Others would have thought of it...hadn't they?

Everyone turned silent, gaping at the forest where all the leaves were moving as though a hurricane was behind them, and yet there was no wind in the night.

After a minute, the noise stopped, but Sawyer was still unnerved. If they ended up leaving the others to avoid getting killed by the freighter people just to end up getting killed by some goddammned monster here...

_Something's always coming - you can hear it in the ground._

_It swells into the air with the rising, rising sound_

_And never comes but shakes the boards and rattles all the doors._

_What are we waiting for? What are we waiting for?_

The freighter babe was the first to talk. "What the bloody hell was that?"

"Nothing to worry about, Charlotte," Ben said. Ugh, Ben. Sawyer had almost forgotten the bastard was there.

Locke eyed Ben uneasily. "Don't listen to him, Charlotte. It's something to worry about very much. And that's why I wouldn't go off on my own if I were you."

Locke noticed the rest of the group, now scared and tired, and addressed them as a whole. "Alright, now, I think it's time we all choose are cabins and get some sleep," he turned serious here, "Tomorrow is a big day. They're going to be coming to us, trying to get her back. Some of you will be assigned to different people," Sawyer noticed that Locke was looking at him as he said that. And he had a sinking feeling that he knew who he'd be in charge of taking care of. Locke's tone lightened. "but for now, I suggest we all get some much-needed sleep. I'll tell you the plan in the morning. Good night!" and on that cheery note, Locke grabbed Ben and Charlotte and walked away.

Sawyer stumbled on his feet to the nearest cabin. "Boy am I drunk. Howdy!" he said cheerily.

"Uh...Dude? I kinda have nowhere else to sleep...umm, mind if we share a cabin?"

Uh no. He wasn't _that_ drunk. "Un uh. No way Montezuma. There'sh no way I'm shleeping with you," he slurred.

"You _are_ drunk. Okay, time to get you inside."

He must've been _that_ drunk, because soon he found himself in a room, in his bed, and saying goodnight to his new roommate; Hurley.

"Mind if I ashk you something, Hugo?" Sawyer said in his vulnerably drunken state.

"Uhh... sure."

"Ish everything gonna be alrigh'?"

"I...yeah. Yeah, it will be, Sawyer. Good night," he said, walking away and turning off the lights.

"Wait!" he struggled to keep his eyes open. "Do you think she lovesh him?" It was the question his drunken self - no - his true self - needed to know.

_So give me something to believe_

_'Cause I am living just to breathe._

_And I need something more_

_To keep on breathing for,_

_So give me something to believe._

"She?"

"Frecklesh. My Frecklesh."

Umm..I don't know," Hurley said uncomfortably.

"Oh."

"But I know that she feels for you, dude, I can see it," he said, trying to cheer him up.

"Felt. I wash an ash-hole, she couldn't care 'bout me now," the sleep was surrounding him, he couldn't stay awake any longer. "Bye, Huge-o."

"G'night." Hurley walked out. He was glad that Sawyer was at least well enough to use nicknames, even in his drunken-depression, but he was worried about him. Sawyer had completely fallen for Kate, he realised. Hard.

Sawyer's dreams were troubled, filled with memories he had never wanted to relive, about everything he had done to the girl he loved.

_"Something's wrong."_

_He sighed. He knew this was coming. "Lots of things are wrong, Kate."_

_"Jin, Bernard and Sayid, they should have caught up to us by now. I wanna go back to make sure they're all right."_

_"Course you do," he said bitterly._

_She looked at him, hurt. "What's that supposed to mean?"_

_"It means, Kate, there's always someone to go back for."_

_"What's the matter with you?"_

_"Nothing," he lied. This was too hard._

_She rolled her eyes sarcastically. "Nothing?"_

_"I'm fine," he lied trough gritted teeth._

_"Why don't you just tell me what happened?" she pleaded with him, begging to know. Frustrated, she splashed him._

_"What you do that for?"_

_"To wake you up!" she shouted. "Ever since you got that tape from Locke it's like you've been sleepwalking. You don't care about our friends, fine, but it's like you don't care about anything anymore. And since when did you start calling me Kate?"_

_He couldn't handle this; her. He turned to go._

_She looked at him, her tone softer. "You know. They sent Juliet to check out Sun, but she was there to check and see if I'm pregnant too," she looked up at him, expectantly._

_With everything he had in him, he forced himself to do it. Coldly he said, "Well let's hope you're not."_

He twisted and turned in bed, wanting to wake up from the horrible nightmare. The scene changed...

_"I'm going back."_

_"What?" Jack looked at him incredulously._

_"I'm going back to the beach," he repeated slowly, pretending Jack was an idiot. If he was going to what was probably his death, he may as well goad the Doctor a little before he left._

_"No way. We keep moving."_

_He stopped, forcing Jack to do the same and to look at him. "I ain't asking permission."_

_In the corner of his eye he saw Kate and Juliet stopping to watch the scene unfolding. It took all his strength not to look at Kate. He forced himself to concentrate on Jack. "Look you got a job to do here. I ain't gonna stand in your way of doing it. And you sure as hell don't need me."_

_"What do you think you're gonna get done? Alone and unarmed?!"_

_"He won't be alone, I'll go with him."_

_No, why was she sticking up for him? Making it harder? "No!"_

_He saw the hurt in her eyes. "Twenty minutes ago you weren't even interested in going, and now all of a sudden you're telling Jack I'm..."_

_He forced himself to say it; the evil words that could end everything..."I didn't wanna go with you." _

"Kate!"

He awoke, covered in sweat and shaking, whispering her name. What was he? A monster. How could he have been such an asshole?

He was scared. He was afraid to hurt her and afraid to have her.

_I am hiding from some beast, but the beast was always here._

_Watching without eyes because the beast is just my fear_

_That I am just nothing - that's just what I've become._

_What am I waiting for? It's already done._

What Ben had said was right; here he was a somebody, but back home...who could compete with a surgeon? A hero. And now he had left her alone, so she could be with Jack, let him comfort her.

But...tomorrow he might see her again. She would come; she had to. He could talk to her, apologize, keep her there. It might actually be alright.

_So give me something to believe_

_'Cause I am living just to breathe._

_And I need something more_

_To keep on breathing for,_

_So give me something to believe._

And for the first time in a while, Sawyer had hope. He believed.

He needed something to keep on living. This aimless life wan't worth it.

_And I need something more_

_To keep on breathing for,_

_So give me something to believe._

He needed Kate.

**A/N: God, I love that song. Especially the how the lyrics fit into Sawyer, like the drinking and the beast thing. This is definately my fave chapter, 'cause its a part of the story that wasn't explored in the actual show, wheras my next chapter goes along with the show alot more. The chapter after that is going to be a complete flashforward, to explain the whole mystery of off the island/on the island, and I'll be nice and answer a few more questions in my story than the actual writers do. Anyways, the next chapter is already typed and I'll add it tomorrow, and I'll start working on the one after that today.**

**Also, the site I was on before might not be closing, so I will continue to post on both (those of you who recognize me from the other site).**


	5. He War

**Okay, so this chapter isn't _that_ good, its kinda a filler. The next chapter is (just speculation right now, but I'll try to start writing it today) going to be what happened in between the time that Kate kicks him off Claire's porch and when she asks for his help, and goes on until the end of the ep. Apperntly there's going to be an amzing kiss in the season finale, and there's also supposed to be more skate this season, so I'm hoping those two are connected (fingers crossed, people). The song is "he war" by Cat Power, promised I'd use it for a friend:P Oh and please note; I don't know what "He War" means, but the "he will kill for you" stuff makes sense.**

Kate looked nervously at the freighter people.

It wasn't that she thought they would kill her; only Miles seemed capable of that and she was sure that she could take him on, but it was the fact that they refused to tell the truth that scared her.

One man; she could take on. But if he had an army behind him; if the whole boat was filled with murderers…

They were doomed.

The impending danger left a layer of fear surrounding them. It was times like this that she wishes she was born an optimist.

She was suddenly reminded of the day trying to get the water bottles. She had barely known Ihim/I then. She could hear his voice in her head now, sarcasm still dripping from every word;

_'Hell, I'm an optimist'_

She smiled at the thought. A bittersweet smile. Because thinking of the past always brought you to the present. And he wasn't there.

_I never meant to be the needle that broke your back_

_You were here, you were here, and you were here_

_Don't look back_

Was it her fault? Was it something she had said?

She tried to dismiss the thought. He had made his decision, he had been cold. She had even tried to get her to come; to stay with _her_, and he had left. Whatever thoughts she had about him loving her had fled her soul and been replaced with anger, hurt and sadness.

She snapped out of her trance. It was the past.

She turned her attention to the conversation playing out in front of her.

"You don't trust me, I don't trust you," Jack said bluntly.

"You're supposed to be dead. But am I asking a million questions? No. We both have the same problem, this Locke guy…" Miles said.

Sayid was over by Naomi's corpse. Briefly, she wondered what he was doing, but quickly shook out the thought. They all had their past demons.

She registered that the conversation had turned to Locke. Maybe she could make some use of herself, instead of htinking about…

"Even if Locke has your friend, you can't just waltz in there and grab her. They're armed," Kate said, trying to clear her head. Fighting was something she could handle. Emotion was not.

Because when emotion got in the way it made everything complicated. If she had been void of emotion, would she have killed her father?

No.

Would she have gone to see her mother?

No.

Would she have gone BACK to see her mother, even knowing that she would hav the police called

on her?

No.

Would she have gotten Tom killed?

No.

Would she have gone back to get Tom's airplane, getting into more shit?

The flood of all the answers was overwhelming, her head aching. Emotion had lead her to all this. It was obviously something she couldn't handle.

Her thoughts wandered to Tom again. She closed her eyes, afraid that tears might spill out at any moment.

_I never meant to be the needle that broke your back_

_You were here, you were here, and you were here_

_Don't look back_

Sayid had left Naomi's side, now trying to get a spot on the helicopter.

"We burned a lot of fuel coming in, it can't carry much weight. I'll take three of you," the pilot said.

Miles looked incrediously at Frank. "In case you zoned out while you were tweezing your goatee, one of these yahoos took Charlotte prisoner."

Sayid looked Frank in the eye. "I can bring her back. Safely. And if I do, will you take me to the ship?"

Frank stared back, his eyes showing he meant what he said. "Absolutely. You bring Charlotte back safe, and I will take you off this island."

Another day, another mission. She supposed life wouldn't be the same without it. When was the last time she had truly been able to sit down and enjoy life without a single worry in her mind?

Without thoughts of denial and doubt in the back of her head?

She watched as Jack talked with Sayid. Porbably trying to get a spot on the mission. The man couldn't stand not being in charge. It was a good quality in some ways, she had never been one to lead, but in times of trouble it was needed. His overprotectiveness regarding her was sweet but sickening. It was touching that he wanted her ot be safe, and yet it was annoying that he thought so little of her. He probably would never let her go to Locke's camp.

She wasn't surprised to see Jack walk over to her when she spotted Sayid shaking his head. He would probably try to get her to convince

Sayid. "Kinda sucks, huh?"

"What's that?"

"Being told not to come along. Now you know what it feels like to be me," she said.

"Does that mean I should wait twenty minutes and go anyway?"

She laughed. It had been infuriating to be told she oculdn't come, then being yelled at after coming. She felt like a little kid; always being told to help but never given the opportunity; yelled at when the first thing went wrong. "Touché."

Jack changed his tone. He looked at her seriously. "You should go with them, Kate."

She gaped at him. "Are you serious?" Well this was unnexpected.

"Yeah."

She followed Jack's glance at Sayid, frowning. There had to be a pretty good reason for him to allow her to go, let alone ask her. "What, don't you trust Sayid?"

"I don't trust Locke." He stated simply.

"So what's preventing him from doing to me what he did to Naomi?"

Jack looked at her seriously, his eyes darkening slightly with jealousy. "Sawyer won't let him."

_He war he war_

_He will kill for you_

_He war he war_

_He will kill for you_

_From who you can_

_You know you can_

_Hey hey hey…_

The moment was intense. Kate wanted to flinch, shudder; anything to wake herself out of the trance.

She remembered all the times he'd almost gotten himself killed just for her. For a man who scorned the "hero", he was getting pretty heroic himself.

Self-sacrifice was hard to find these days.

She nodded, seeing the truth in Jack's words. She walked over to Sayid and Miles, holding her gun in the air. "Got room for one more?"

Miles stared at her gun, then glared over at Sayid. "Oh, yeah, _she_ gets a gun."

Sayid ignored him. "Gun's a last resort, Kate," he said quietly.

"You give Locke that same speech?"

Miles interrupted them, wanting to be able to hear every word they said. "Hey! Let's move out."

The walk was filled with tension, neither party wanting to share more information than nesscesary. Kate was filled with anxiousness, anticipation and eagerness. She was sure that this couldn't end up good, but the thought of seeing him again…

Sometimes she thought he was probably a lying, cheating bastard, probably only in life for himself, but other times; when his eyes seemed so clear you could see his soul, she knew he was just a troubled boy. There were times he was Sawyer and times he was James.

Of course, the 'Sawyer' side of him was a con artist who had been with millions of women.

She narrowed her eyes. She wasn't one of _those_ kinds of girls. He screwed her over she'd get him right back. And better.

_I'm not that hot new chick_

_And if you won't let me run with it_

_We're on to your same old trick_

_Get up and run away with it_

They came to the camp, keeping low. Miles' indignant voice cut the air. "What's with the swing set? These people have daycare?" he said, jerking his thumb towards the others' deserted swing set.

Kate ignored him, turning to Sayid. "You think they're here yet?"

Sayid looked back at her, calm as always. "Let's find out," he said matter-of-factly.

He walked into a yard, and her and Miles followed, guns at the ready. She swivelled around at the sound of a loud banging. Sayid peered around the corner of a house looking for the noise, his gun drawn, motioning for Miles and Kate to follow. She waited as they paused at a tree, straining to hear where the muffled shouting was coming from. She closed her eyes in concentration, suddenly pointing.

"It's coming from in there," she said, coking her gun as she ran towards the cabin. She wondered what had happened and for a fleeting moment thoughts of Sawyer tied up and beaten crossed her mind. She quickly blocked them out.

She watched as Sayid kicked down the door, showing the disarray of inside the house. She rushed towards the sound, as Sayid paused at a set of doors which were strongly tied shut. He shot her a glance, then put the gun in his belt to untie the rope, his fingers flying furiously. He yanked open the door, and Kate held her breath, afraid of the site that would meet her.

Hurley stumbled out, gagged and bound. Swiftly they intied him. She at his terrified features. "What happened Hurley?"

"They left me".

Kate exchanged a glance with Sayid, watching as Hurley sat down shakily.

He drew a shallow breath, continuing. "Locke's gone off the reservation, man. I mean, he took this one chick hostage, he said Walt was the one who told him to kill the other chick, and he… "

Sayid furrowed his brows, thinking he'd heard wrong. "Walt?"

"Dude, don't ask. I was just, like, trying to argue with him, so he'd just like, you know, chill, but… "

Miles interrupted. "How about you stop babbling and just tell us what happened to them? Where are they?"

Hurley looked at him, looking as though he had only just registered him. "Who are you?"

"Where the hell did they go, Tubby?"

Hurley didn't miss the nickname, he scowled, saying sarcastically, "Oh, awesome. The ship sent us another Sawyer."

This time, Kate did flinch at the name. The nicknames that were sometimes insufferable suddenly seemed unbelievably cute.

_Hey hey hey_

_He war he war_

_He will kill for you_

_Hey hey hey_

_He war he war_

_He will kill for you_

_Hey hey hey_

_From who you can_

_Hey hey hey_

_You know you can_

Sayid turned patiently to Hurley. "Hurley, where did they go?"

"Look, I guess they were too busy tying me up to tell me. I don't know."

"They all left, all together?" she asked, hoping against fate that her Tex had stayed around.

"Yeah, they were freaked. Locke said the people on the ship were here to rescue Charlotte and then kill us…." He turned to Miles, suddenly seeming very nervous. "So… are you? "

Miles gave him his best creepy stare. "Not yet."

"Did they say anything that suggested where they were going next?" Sayid asked.

Kate handed Hurley a mug. Poor guy looked like he needed it.

He accepted and took a sip before continuing."Locke said they were gonna go by

Ben's house before they took off."

Sayid frowned. "Why would they go there?"

Hurley shrugged. "For all I know, they coulda locked Ben up in a closet, too."

Miles interupted, clearly interested by this piece of news. "Where's Ben's house?"

They walked over to the house, guns ready. Her heart was beating so hard she thought it might burst out of her cheast. What – or _who_ might be waiting?

Sayid grabbed the knob of the door, looking at her. She nodded, and soundlessly his lips formed words; _one, two, three, four, five_; and on five he pushed open the door.

The house was earily silent, and Kate noticed a picture of a young girl on the wall. Who was she? When was this taken?

Sayid looked over at her. "Look for anything that shows where they might have gone. I'll start in here."

Miles examined the room as Kate drew her gun and kicked through a door into Ben's bedroom.

She noticed tribal masks on the walls which reminded her of the movies where people were spying through the eyes. _'This isn't a movie Kate…don't scare yourslef!_ she scolded, but she couldn't shake off the feeling that she was being watched.

Kate turned her attention to the closet, wondering if maybe someone was in there… Had they tied someone up there like they had with Hurley? She opened it quickly, suspense leading to nothing but empty hangers and a box. which she opens to reveal nothing but empty hangers and a small box on a shelf inside. Frowning, she turned to search his bed, bending under, unable to stop the feeling in her stomach as someone entered the room wearing jeans and tan boots. She stood up, gun at the ready.

There he was, finger at his lips as whisps of his golden hair framed his face. He closed the door, and she struggled with herself. Stay quiet? Certainly Sawyer wouldn't try to hurt her…but what were they planning for Sayid? What if he was in danger? Quickly making up her mind, she yelled out. "Sayid!"

He bowed his head, somewhat dissapointed. He was hoping she trusted him more than that. He watched as she moved the curtain aside and looks out the window, wondering what she was thinking about. Him? No, he shouldn't even give himself that much credit. She didn't care.

She turned back to him, glaring. "So what, I'm your prisoner?" she demanded angrily.

He folded his arms, unyielding to the emotion taking over him. "If that sorta thing turns you on."

Kate sat down on the bed, ignoring him. Wishing he'd get some sort of reaction, he looked down, remorsefully. She looked up at him, angry. "What are you doing here with Locke?"

He looked at her, mystified, as though the very idea had never crossed his mind. "I'm not _with_ him…

"Yeah, you are, James," she shot back at him.

Sawyer went on defense mode, asking the question that had been on his mind all the day. "Then what are you doing with Jack?"

Kate looked down, but forced herself to look up, her eyes shining. "I went with Jack because I believe he can get us off this island," she stated boldly, trying to look unfazed by his sad glance.

He shook his head. "I guess that's the difference between us…" he said, sitting next to her on the bed. "I ain't lookin to leave."

She looked up at him, "Why not?"

He thought about it, even though he had known it all along. "Cause, I ain't got nothin' back there for me."

"What's here that's so much better?" she asked, wishing it was her.

He changed tactics. "Why do you want to go back, Kate? Seem to recall you being shuttled off to jail before we landed here. So if you think there's anything waiting for you back home other than handcuffs, you really don't know how the world works. Look around us, Freckles. We've got roofs over our heads. Electricity, showers, beds."

"Yeah, how long, Sawyer? How long can do you think we can play house?" she asked, her eyes brimming with tears.

He looked her in the eyes, not mising a beat. "Why don't we find out?"

The silence hung in the air as he lowered his head earnestly, before bringing it back up to meet hers. A tear spilt over her broken down guard, and a small smile appeared.

He smiled, grabbing her hand, not another word spoken.

_Hey hey hey_

_He war he war_

_He will kill for you_

_Hey hey hey_

_He war he war_

_He will kill for you_

_Hey hey hey_

_From who you can_

_Hey hey hey_

_You know you can_

**Woot! My longest chapter yet! They just keep getting longer...I'll try to make sure update by friday!**


	6. Closer

He looked over at her through his window, watched her smile with her friends as she waved her hair aside from her face

He looked over at her through his window, watched her smile with her friends as she waved her hair aside from her face. He licked his lips, deciding to go out there.

_You let me violate you,  
__You let me desecrate you,  
You let me penetrate you,  
__You let me complicate you,_

Kate was sitting down, sprawled lazily across Claire's porch as she played with her hair. It was weird, not being with Jack, Sayid, and the others. A chance to get off the island that she was missing out on.

_Not really_, she thought to herself, _As soon as I find out... then I can go back._

Surprisingly the thought didn't cheer her up, so she turned her attention back to Claire.

"…and I'm not quite sure what 'Ga' means, but I'm pretty sure 'bu' means 'I'm hungry'. Isn't that right little guy?" she said, picking up Aaron and kissing him.

Kate laughed. "And you said you were no good at this," she teased, motioning to the knack for parenting Claire seemed to have.

Claire smiled. "It's amazing, isn't it?" she laughed. Her smile turned a little sad and her eyes a little brighter as she added, "But it was Charlie who taught me the most…"

Kate didn't know what to say. Sure, loved ones had died in the past, she was used to that…but no one had comforted her. What was she supposed to do?

She awkwardly reached over and patted Claire's shoulder, who let out a strangled sob before regaining her composure. "T's all right, Kate darling, I'm fine. He did what he had to, I mean…I knew…but not so soon…I just," she couldn't continue. She knew that nothing of what she said made sense to Kate, but it felt better to get it out. "Anyways, it's fine. I know him, Charlie's watching over us, isn't he little guy?" she said, holding the cooing Aaron.

Kate watched as the Baby drifted off, closing his eyes with a content smile on his face. Claire looked up and smiled as she put a finger to her lips. Quietly she stepped inside the cabin to put him to sleep. Kate focused on the cabins in front of her. She watched as Locke came out, looking furious. She frowned. He slammed the door and stormed over in the other direction.

She turned around at Claire, who looked puzzled. "What was that all about?" Kate said, jerking her finger towards Locke.

"Who knows?" she responded. "It's _Locke_."

Kate nodded, smiling.

"Mornin', ladies."

The sound startled her. She turned around, confirming that he was real. Yep, not fake. She looked back to Claire, letting her smile fad a little. Not him. He'd just make it harder.

Claire seemed oblivious to her discomfort. "Good morning," she replied, beaming.

"Mornin'," Kate said, looking disinterested. _That's right Kate, don't let emotions shine through._

"Mmm, the coffee smells good," Sawyer said, flashing his smile. It wasn't a question, it was a statement; "_Make me a coffee"_

Claire looked up at him, being the perfect host. "Well, why don't I go make you a cup?"

Sawyer looked up at her, smiling his gratitude. "Thanks…" he drawled. He watched as Claire giggled and went inside the house. He took up her spot, sitting down next to Kate.

"Kinda weird, ain't it? Sittin' on porches, drinking coffee out of mugs?" he joked. He snuck a glance at her and pretended not care about his next sentence. "By the way, I found some clothes about your size, in the closet. So after I kick out Hugo..."

"I'm not moving in with you, James," Kate said bluntly. _Good. You got it out. Now he'll get all grouchy and leave you alone._

Sawyer sucked in a breath, stung. He invites her and she rejects him. "Well," he stated, as though she had just slapped him. "Then why d'you stay?"

Kate refused to even skip a beat. She stared at him coldly. "That's none of your business," she sniped.

"Oh, you got a secret agenda, huh? Well, if you're spying for Jack--"

Honestly. Jack again? Did he ever give ihm a rest? How low did Sawyer think she was? "I'm not spying for anyone."

"So why don't you tell me why--"

Kate looked at him, saying honestly, "Because I don't trust you."

Sawyer looked at her, then nodded. Point taken. Why was he surprised? He didn't deserve to be trusted. "This is about the pregnancy…" he started.

" James?" she asked, looking up at him seriously.

"Yeah?"

"Go home," she told him. She wasn't up to a another discussion. She berated herself. She couldn't plan on staying here forever, "playing house". She had known when she woke up this morning that she couldn't mess up her one chance of ever getting back, no matter what held her. She would find out if they knew her

He looked at her; exsasperated, but as though he expected it. "Okay, fine. See you later, then," he spat, wlaking over to his cabin, not turning around.

She let out a sigh. Finally. Maybe he'd hate her enough to tell her to get away, to leave. Something so she wouldn't feel so bad…

"Here, I wasn't sure if you wanted it really dark or not so I –" the thick australian accent broke off. Oh. Erm…that was short…"

Kate smiled apologetically. "Oh Claire I'm so sorry! You went to so much trouble too!"

"No, no. No trouble at all Kate," she said, waving away her apologies. "You know, it's realy great to have you here; someone to talk to. I mean, all alone with a baby? Thank god you're here Kate," Claire said, smiling sincerely at Kate.

Kate faked a smile. _Another person to dissapoint, _she though, her heart falling a little more.

Sawyer was sitting down, drumming his fingers against the sofa and he supressed the urge to glance at her through the window. His "roomate" was blabbing on about some sort of movie marathon later on that he really wasn't looking forward to.

His head was pounding, his heart beating just as hard. He glanced out the window at Kate starring into space, a thoughtful look on her face.

He turned away, disgusted. He felt like shit. Would he have _ever_ been caught gawking at a girl back in the real world? Never, not even in elementary school, had _he_ been the desperate one. Everone loved the tough guy.

The sexy guy.

The broken guy.

_Help me I broke apart my insides,  
Help me I've got no soul to sell  
Help me the only thing that works for me;  
Help me get away from myself_

No, if he had ever wanted something, he got up and got it. Which was exactly what he planned to do.

Focusing for the first time in what seemed like hours on Hurley non-stop monologue he got up.

"Yo and dude we can watch this awesome junk about – "

"Sorry, Pillsbury Dough Boy, got an appointment to make," and with that Sawyer left the blubbering Hurley to himself.

Hurley watched his retreating form. "_Finally_!" he said, watching as Prince Charming – or anything but – made his way to the waiting Princess.

Sawyer marched up to her, determined.

She stood up, bracing herself for trouble, standing a little taller and saying forcefully, "What do you want James?"

He grabbed the hand that had fallen to her side. "Freckles…" he said, winking at her words, a huge grin on his face.

She allowed herself a short smile. "Why are you here?" she restated, attempting to wrench her hand free.

"I want a walk. A kiss if there's time," he added.

She glared at him, hoping that maybe he would be scared away. She knew there was no such luck though.

He pulled her to him. "C'mon, let's go," he said dragging her by the hand behind him and they disappeared from view.

She tried unsuccessfully to wrench herself away, but his grasp was too hard. "Where are we going?" she asked him.

"A lil' place I know," he replied, pushing trees past as they trampled through the forest. "Almos' there," he told her.

He was now running, pulling her by the hand, and she was struggling to catch up. "Wait…a…minute!" she gasped, trying to stop as he tried to pull. She tripped over a rope, flailing her arms frantically trying to slow her fall.

Of course, the only thing there to help her was Sawyer.

She grabbed on to his waist, tackling him to the ground and landing on top of him.

"What the…" he said, looking at the rope she tripped over. She looked at it too, following it with a glance until she saw a knife dangling overhead.

"Fuck!" Sawyer rolled over her, shielding her with his body. She turned her head, looking at the knife in the grond where she had been moments before.

He held on to her tight. "You okay?" he asked looking down at her.

"Yeah," she said, a little breathlessly.

He looked down at her face, and suddenly couldn't hold it in anymore. Cupping her face harshly, he lowered his head and let their lips clash.

He tried to get her to respond, running his tongue along her lips, looking for any sign that maybe – just maybe – she would stay for her.

And as her lips parted, and she started to respon, at first slowly, but then frantically and full of passion, Sawyer thanks whatever god was out there as he wrapped his arms around her waist, bringing her to a sitting position around him.

_I want to fuck you like an animal  
I want to feel you from the inside  
I want to fuck you like an animal  
My whole existence is flawed  
You get me closer to god_

"James…"she said, pulling away.

He looked at her, his eyes searching hers. Would she push him away again? Was it wrong to kiss her? Would she run again?

"Yeah freckles?"

She grinned at him, seeing the serious look on his face. "Are we there yet?"

He laughed. "Right through these trees, Miz Dora el Explorer," he said, pointing to his left.

She smacked him playfully, getting up. Traveling in the direction he pointed, she pushed away the thick plants that had grown there, and gasped at the sight she saw.

Hidden behind the plants was a clearence full of exotic flowers, in a little grotto. Moss had grown on the stone ceiling, which was just high enough for Sawyer to touch with his hand outstretched. Vines climbed up the sides, from which beautiful red flowers bloomed out of, and to the left was a wall of solid rock, where water fell off a 4 feet drop and into the little pond where minnows swam.

"Sawyer…" she breathed, staring around. "It's beautiful."

"I know," he said, turning to look at her. "And I ain't talking 'bout the flowers."

She looked up at him, touched by his words. She grabbed his face, leading him into the cave. She sat down, leaning against the wall, and he pulled her to him, letting hre head rest on his broad chest while he flicked her hair lazily. "I thought you wouldn't come back," he said to her, wistfully.

"So did I," she said.

He bit his tongue, aching to ask why she was here. He turned her so she was looking at him. "I didn' lie," he said.

"I never said you did, Sawyer. What are you talking about?"

"When I said 'I love you'…I wasn't lying," he said, staring into her green eyes.

She couldn't say the words back. She couldn't stand telling him words that he would never believe when she was gone. She loved him, yes, but she didn't deserve him.

Instead she just leaned in and wrapped her arms around his back, pulling him on top of her as she kissed him. "Oh yeah? Show me how much," she said.

He kissed her chin, sucking around the skin. "I love you enough to know you love to be teased," he said, grinning. He moved up to her neck, planting little bites, which in turn he kissed better. "I love you enough to know that you like the zing a little pain brings," he said, grunting as she moaned. His hands traveled down, tickling her sides lightly. "I love you so much I know that this drives you crazy with desire…"

"James…" she whispered.

He put a finger to her lips, then bent down and kissed her. "And I love you enough to know that you'd love a real gentlemen who didn't go all the way with the ladies on a first date," he said, stopping the brushing of his hands on her sides.

She smiled, a little disappointed, but figuring it was for the best. "First date?" she asked, arching an eyebrow.

"Hell, I ain't exactly take you anywhere else, now did I?"

She smiled. "Guess not," she said.

He pulled her back to him, caressing her. "Can I ask you something freckles?" he said.

"You just did. I'll give you another."

"Why're you with Jack?" he asked.

She sighed. "Sawyer, we've been trapped on an island for 3 months, this might be our last chance to get off. There's god knows what on this island, monsters, polar bears, people that try to kill us…Ben's a prisoner for how long, Sawyer? Do you not think he's got something up his sleeve? We've been praying for this, and I chance to go back…we need to go back, James…"

He looked at her, his eyes sad. "James…" he said, as though pondering the word.

"Huh?" she asked.

"You call me James."

She stared at him, not comprehending.

"You know tha' I can only stand it from you?" he asked, looking her in the eyes. "D'you know that the only other time people called my James was when I was a boy, an' my momma would say it? An' then my dad shot her, and then anyone who knew my name I left, an' I was Sawyer."

She frowned a little, wanting to hug him but remembering what happened last time she tried to comfort him.

"But s'okay with you, freckles," he said, staring at her intensely. "You can say it."

You can have my isolation  
You can have the hate that it brings  
You can have my absence of faith  
You can have my everything

She felt tears in her eyes but only leaned in and pecked his lips. He took her hand.

"Le's go back now, hon," he said, pulling her up.

They made it back, and tore her hand out of his grasp as they came back in view. "Goodbye, Sawyer," she said, going into Claire's cabin.

Claire looked at her, her eyes dancing and a smile on her face. "So, tell me, what were you two doing in the forest all alone?" she asked.

Kate blushed. "Nothing…No!" she said, spotting the _I-know-what-you-did_ look on Claire's face. "Not _that_!" she said. "We just…talked…."

"_Just_ talked?" Claire said, laughing,

"Well…_maybe_ we kissed…."

"Oh, so we're talking major make out session?" Claire asked.

"Maybe…."

The laughed a little together, and Kate felt glad that she had gotten Claire to smiled. She realized how lucky she was…no one she loved had died yet…

Well, no one she loved _here_.

Although he had come _awfully_ close.

Kate left the cabin, and took a deep breath; knocking on another one.

He opened it with an annoyed expression, but it softened as he saw her. "Hey."

She smiled, but it didn't reach her eyes. "Can I come in?" she asked, entering without waiting for response.

"Sure. I believe you know my roommate."

"Hey Hurley," she said quietly, not looking at him.

"Hey Kate," he responded, turning around and winking at Sawyer.

Sawyer already knew by her expression that she wasn't here for _that. _"Got something in your eye, Hugo?" he asked, simply to make him feel awkward. He turned to Kate. "Why don't we talk in the kitchen?" he led the way, opening the cubboard and pulling out a box of wine.

"I know it's in a box, but, uh, it's pretty damn good wine. I tested it," he smiled, seemingly proud. "So, how's life in Casa de Claire? Baby Aaron keeping you up all night?"

"No, no, he's a good sleeper," she said

"Good for you," he said. He poured her a glass of wine, staring her in the eyes, she made to grab the glass, but he didn't let go until she looked up. He smiled. "You are terrible at this, freckles."

"Terrible at what?"

"You already said you didn't stay behind for me. So at least be woman enough to tell me you want to use me for something," he waited for it. Help her get something? Save her precious _Jack_?

There was a pause, then she relented and said, "I want to use you for something."

"See? Wasn't that hard," he said. "For what?"

She gave in. "For Ben. I want you to help me bust him out."

Kate had Miles pinned up against the wall. She needed to know – she waited, taking in his response.

"Your name is Katherine Anne Austen, and you're wanted for murder, fraud, arson, and a bunch of other stuff I can't remember. You're a fugitive. You got caught in Australia and the feds were bringing you back. So yeah, we know. If I were you, I'd stay right here, on the island. Who knows, maybe you didn't survive the crash," he said, smugly.

She didn't pay attention to the rest; it was all a blur. She was kicked out of the group, and she wasn't safe off the island. It meant that she couldn't get off safetly, she'd have to run.

Or she could stay here…No! It wasn't safe here, there were monsters, murderers…she'd die if she got pregnant….and that was innevitable with the island's other danger…Southern Perverts.

So she came into his room, leaving a stunned Claire and an angry John, needing him for this last day, before she would run again tomorrow.

He looked up from his book as she opened the door. "Oh hey, freckles. You okay? Listen, look, I'm sorry I couldn't do nothing. I wanted him to think that you'd fooled me too. No sense in him not trusting both of us –"

"He wants me gone by tomorrow," she stated simply.

"What, he banished you?" he joked, but he looked in her eyes and realized she was serious. "Well, I unbanish you. You can stay right here. This is my house," he said, drawing her closer.

A gurgling noise was heard from outside.

"Okay, me and Montezuma's house," he said. She laughed. "You're gonna be alright," he said seriously, raising a hand to brush her cheek. He cupped her jaw, whispering, "I'll keep you safe."

The words filled her with love, and she leaned forward to iss him. His other hand came around her waist as he intensified the kiss.

_Help me  
Tear down my reason  
Help me  
It's your sex I can smell  
Help me  
You make me perfect  
Help me become somebody else_

She gave in a little before moving back. "Not tonight," she said.

"Alrigh', freckles," he said, leaning back and putting her head on his chest. "I'm fine with you right here," he said. "Righ' where you belong…over my heart," he said.

She laughed. "Must you always be so cheesy?" she asked him.

"Works with the ladies," he said, wiggling his eyebrows.

She quieted down, nestling into him. She would have to leave tomorrow, she _needed_ to get off. She didn't want to leave…but it was what she did. She needed to run.

He woke up to the most beautiful feeling.

He snapped his eyes open as he watched her kiss his chest, and he breathed a little harder as he saw her intensity. He couldn't stand it any longer, and he flips her over, wanting to be in control. He trailed his hands up her sides again, and enjoyed watching her squirm. He noted that she was breathing faster as well.

_I want to fuck you like an animal  
I want to feel you from the inside  
I want to fuck you like an animal  
My whole existence is flawed  
You get me closer to god_

He leaned down to kiss her, but at last moment she turned her head. "I'm winded Wait a minute, wait a minute. Just slow down," she said breathlessly.

Sawyer sgihed, exasperated. He was only a man. "Oh, come on! It's not like we ain't never done it before. Now, I'm cool we didn't go all the way last night. I get it. You were sad. But I mean, how can you resist after that whole "I'll keep you safe" thing?"

She smiled, but she stil nudged him off. "No, Sawyer," she said.

He looked back at her, visibly pissed. "What? What, what'd I say?"

He wouldn't understand. "Forget it."

He sighed again, his tone seroius. "Alright. You still think you might be pregnant,"

She looked back at ihm, a small smile on her face. "I'm not worried. And I'm not pregnant."

He furrowed his brows. "Are you sure?"

"Yeah, I'm sure," she said.

Sawyer laughed. "Yes! I mean, whoo!"

She looked at ihm, hurt. "Would it have been the worst thing in the world?"

He looked at her incrediously. "Yes, yes it _would_ have been the worst thing in the world. What would we have done with a baby?"

She looked close to tears, and scoffed exasperatedly as she put on her clothes. "I'm going back to the beach."

He stared at her, shocked. "Beach?" he asked, although he had never heard the word. "What, you're leaving? Because of this? That's that? You crawl up in my bed one second, and the next you just—"

She couldn't hear it. She had been prepared for it. She cut him off. "Goodbye, James."

"Don't make this about me, Kate. You didn't want a baby any more than I did. You're just looking for some excuse to split, and now you got one," he said. She knew he was right, and didn't contradict him. She deserved as much.

He continued. "But it's alright, freckles, I ain't gonna hold it against you. I'm just gonna sit right here in my comfy bed. Because in about a week, you'll find some reason to get pissed at Jack and bounce right back to me."

He took it to far. She slapped him across the face, getting up and moving towards the door. He scoweled.

How dare he turn this into that? Didn't he know how hard everything was for her? Didn't he know how much she wanted to stay for him? But didn't he also know how much she needed to leave, to get far away from someone who actually understood her?

She paused at the door, looking nback wistfully at him. She looked like she wanted to say something, but she left, his scowl following her.

She didn't say goodbye to anyone else. She left, escaping before John could spot her. She felt tears come to her eyes, but shut her eyelids tight, so stop them from leaking. She wouldn't cry for him.

Back in his bed, he laid back, thinking of how it had felt to wake up in bed with Kate. It hadn't been that long since he'd fucked her, but he was already aching for her more. He groaned. He was so close.

She was going to be the death of him, but he wouldn't go out looking for her…

…yet.

_Through every forest  
Above the trees  
Within my stomach  
Scraped off my knees  
I drink the honey  
Inside your hive  
You are the reason  
I stay alive_

**A/N: I am so so so sorry that it tok me SO long to update…how long has it been? 3 months or something? I had this almost done 2 ½ months ago, but I just couldn't finish it between school and everything. Luckiliy, school's out soon and I'll try to update more. Anyways, the finale really bugged me, 'cause now he thinks she's dead and he'll probably hook up with Juliet or something, which will ruin the two best couples (Jacket & Skate – although Des + Penny are a pretty good couple too). If you guys want to spec. about that, just contact me. Anyways, next chapter will focus on Sawyer flashforward, and I've got a whole bunch of new songs I need to add in here. A good one is Miserable at Best – Mayday Parade. It's so pretty, and someone should make a Skate (or, I guess Jate, but I'd prefer the former) vid for it. I'll attempt to update soon! Oh and the song is "Closer" by Nine Inch Nails :D.**

**Later Loves;**

**Natalica 3**


	7. New Story :D

**To Anyone Who Read This Story:**

**I am _so_ sorry for never following up on this story. I have always hated people that don't tell peope when they're discontinuing stories, because then you always wonder: What happened to the person? Did they die or something? Like seriously, I'm leaving it in my will that as soon as I die, someone has to tell my readers (now matter how few that is). Anyways, that's besides the point.**

**Yes, I have given up on this story. And I am very sorry about that, because there aren't enough Skate stories out there. And Skate is so amazing. I mean, did you see the last episode (Feb 4th/09)? And he's all devoted and weepy and amazing and SEXY!!**

**But truthfully, it was my first fanficion. And it sucked. I didn't think about what was going to happen and I just rushed right into it. My story lived in the present. But it had no future.**

**However, I do have GOOD news. I have another Skate story. Again, I am a horrible person, because I've had it written out in paper since June of last year. I'm sorry that I've been too lazy to type it, but after two failed attempts (ie: my computer crashed before I saved it) I gave up and just kept putting it off.**

**I WILL PUBLISH IT! I plan to do it this weekend or next, so don't worry.**

**It's dark, it's emotional, it's AMAZING (not to toot my own horn or anything), but it's also rated M. You have been warned. (And yes, it is rated M for why you think it's rated M, pervert.) And it's a oneshot, so I have no chance of abandonning it :P**

**I'll probably write more LOST stories because I am pumped about this season. And 'cause I love Sawyer.**

**I also have 2 Twilight stories (I know, I'm a horrible poser, but I **_had _**to read it because the Author likes Muse) that are Alice/Jasper centered (Team Jasper: Everything's bigger in Texas).**

**OH! AND ITS MY BIRTHDAY THE 11TH! :D (Which is the same day as the next LOST episode, which is called "This Place Is Death", which is the best name ever, and this just made my day).**

**So yeah, I'm sorry that I've been such a bad writer...**

**BUT I'M BACK IN THE GAME, BABY!**

**Review if you're gonna read my next story, just so that I feel loved :) and know that I haven't lost all of you!!**

**-(`v`)-**


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